Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow

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May eighteen, 2016 Robin rated information technology it was ok

Nope. A few things virtually this book were ok, only I couldn't get past the breathy vilification of first families. (p 52: "...dumped past a drug-addicted mom"; p.53: "...the hurt kid is familiar with anger and rage and has experienced much of it throughout his life with his nascency family.")

The author actually suggests that parents mock their hurting child'due south tantrums and dare them to "exercise better". Ah, I know exactly how that would go over in my home, and it would not be pretty, and CERTAINLY not heali

Nope. A few things about this book were ok, but I couldn't get by the blatant vilification of first families. (p 52: "...dumped by a drug-addicted mom"; p.53: "...the hurt child is familiar with acrimony and rage and has experienced much of it throughout his life with his nascence family.")

The author actually suggests that parents mock their hurting kid's tantrums and dare them to "do improve". Ah, I know exactly how that would go over in my domicile, and it would not be pretty, and CERTAINLY not healing, for my child. What a ridiculously counterproductive and escalating choice, and the very antithesis of building attachment and trust with a hurting child.

The "culture" the author claims children come from (p.168) is actually a list of things that effect from poverty and broken kid welfare systems, not a showtime family'southward "culture". Belittling and vilifying a beginning family unit does nothing to grow trust with a kid that has a natural bond with that family. Not all adoptions are the upshot of abuse and neglect, and many adoptees with loving showtime families (who felt compelled through circumstances of poverty and lacking social back up systems) yet suffer from the trauma of adoption. The author doesn't seem to understand this.

The author'south denouncement of respite was also disappointing. Obviously families should approach respite with intendance to ensure children's needs and attachments are considered. But parents with no gas left in the tank cannot be the patient loving parents, solar day later on day, in the face of constant farthermost challenges at domicile. Breaks are 100% vital to survival. He writes (p. 257) "Call up, what is accepted practice (re: respite) now volition probably exist critically evaluated by others in the future". I find this an ironic statement, every bit it will likely utilise to all of his own communication. Parents who are being challenged constantly need support, not a guilt trip, and the chance to unwind for even a few hours can be the difference a family needs to live in peace. A refreshed parent has a better risk to calmly help a dis-regulated kid get back on track than a frazzled, exhausted, mentally and emotionally worn-down one parent who has been told that taking a suspension volition damage their child's attachment. Unsafe distortion. Self intendance is of paramount importance, considering parenting hurt kids is tough stuff.

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This review has been subconscious because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. My notes and summary from the book:

Introduction
-Parents practise not need to have a consequence for a child's every misdeed.
-Family unit fun should not be contingent on child behavior.
-Expectations are more effective and powerful than lots of rules.
-Parents must decide what information is private about the child.
-Hurt children become better when their pain is soothed, their anger reduced, their fears quelled, and their surroundings contained.
CH1: Who is the injure child?
CH2: Dare to parent
-Hurt children are se

My notes and summary from the book:

Introduction
-Parents exercise not demand to have a upshot for a kid'south every misdeed.
-Family fun should not be contingent on kid behavior.
-Expectations are more effective and powerful than lots of rules.
-Parents must make up one's mind what information is individual nigh the child.
-Injure children go meliorate when their pain is soothed, their anger reduced, their fears quelled, and their environment contained.
CH1: Who is the hurt child?
CH2: Cartel to parent
-Injure children are sensitive their ain vulnerability and perceived weakness. They act terrified of losing control and fearful of control by others.
-Hurt children often have unhealthy fears
-They have survivor'southward mentality and deny their vulnerability (call back goose egg tin hurt them).
-Healthy fear eventually leads to respect, empathy and dear, and a child cannot arrive at one stage without going through the prior stages.
-Vulnerability and perceived weakness
-Being cooperative , compliant, and receptive translates to losing.
-For healthy children, command over them equates to dearest. They believe their parents are anointed and it'south okay for them to be vulnerable. They can be weak without being unsafe, and this helps them develop a censor (internalize morals based on fear of disapproval).
CH3: What doesn't work
-Nurturing vs. rewards – Nurturing happens whether or non the child behaves well; rewards are more like bribery to achieve a item behavior. Children should not exist reward for doing what they are expected to do.
-Should never withhold affection/love towards the hurt child. Information technology is impossible to make them feel worse than they already have been made to feel.
-Punishment: empathy and consequences are much better teachers than lecturing/words
-Injure need fourth dimension-ins with parents instead of time-outs. Instead of grounding, it is better to require permission for everything and so there are no assumptions about what is okay to do.
-Deprivation: Taking things way from injure children (who are used to losing everything) is ineffective. Instead, if something is going to exist taken away, it needs to be taken away forever so they learn to believe what you say. For example, if they continually neglect to have care of a toy/s, yous can let them know that y'all are going to give them to a child who doesn't take whatever of those toys (and brand the child's life easier considering information technology volition be less for them to clean up and take care of).
-Acrimony: Must remember that anger is a hurt child'south best friend. In fact, they are oft the most unhappy when parents are blithesome. Acrimony helps them feel prophylactic and distant, and when he sees information technology in others, he feels powerful. It brings the level of energy the child is accustomed to.
-Equality: respond with "We're all different, and the globe doesn't e'er treat the states fairly or equally. It's much amend to learn this at a young age than on your beginning job assignment."
CH4: What works
-Authors fence that the near constructive ways to reach attachment is through touch, odour, spoken language, motion, warmth, and eye contact.
-Best not to tell hurt child consequences of their behaviors, instead, parents should alternate responses so the child is e'er guessing as to what you will do.
-Be very conscientious in offering praise, it tin can easily make them feel as if they've lost control; should offer praise indirectly (let them overhear information technology). Too, don't offer praise for expected behaviors (like using manners)
-Negative behaviors: plough all negative behaviors into something that y'all control (act similar it is what y'all wanted them to do anyway). E.g., rating a tantrum, inquire them to scream louder, predict their negative behavior.
-Piece of work on grooming degrees of bad and good (e.g., "conduct" to them means being perfect). Given them a rating scale, such as down to neck is not so bad, below belt is really bad
-Make very clear to hurt children expectations of your family – our family unit does "x"; for example, we are "truthtellers" in our family – don't rely on subtle cues, employ explicit ones
CH5: Cinnamon on applesauce
-Eye contact is very important, mimic the mode that yous spend a huge amount of time starting at an baby. P84 has a whole list of games/techniques
-p90 has list of techniques on how to do movement together, activities, etc.; nurturing through nutrient is likewise important – see p95
-Enhancing communication – tell adoption story over and over, past experiences with kids, etc.
-p99 has several techniques for physical closeness with children
CH6: The school dance
-Teach children phrases to aid them survive in schoolhouse and practice them: east.yard., I need assist, I can do hard things, I ever take a choice, I tin can learn from my mistakes, I similar to endeavour new things, I similar school, I tin solve this, I know I can count on myself, I know where to get assist, I can solve problems, I need your help to empathise.
-Make sure you establish advice lines with educators early and oftentimes
CH7: Rough waters – all about getting your child unstuck and how to handle tough times
CH8: Life preservers – Lists of resources to become help from others
CH9: Finding useful help – how to detect the best therapist
CH10: Ask an expert – Q&A for the authors for specific children
-kids may endeavor to recreate sensory memories (similar smell of urination) for comfort
-kids' life book must represent reality of why they were removed from parents
-p203 has several techniques about how to deal with lying
CH11: Parents and children talk back – testimonials from parents and adopted children
CH12: Reprinted articles written by authors
-p256 good article on importance of property and impact

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Aug 24, 2014 Christy rated it liked information technology

Start off: I am non a parent. I'm an adult adoptee. I read a lot of adoption books, including this ane, in order to gain a fuller agreement of myself and my relationships with my family.

Not that this would normally matter, but I'm also an atheist. I'm not an angry, pushy atheist, merely I'm non interested in having others' faith pushed on me. I wasn't aware that this was a volume by born-again Christian authors, printed by a Christian publisher, until the non-sequitur screed about abortion and c

First off: I am non a parent. I'm an adult adoptee. I read a lot of adoption books, including this one, in guild to gain a fuller understanding of myself and my relationships with my family.

Not that this would ordinarily affair, simply I'chiliad also an atheist. I'm not an aroused, pushy atheist, but I'grand not interested in having others' faith pushed on me. I wasn't aware that this was a volume by born-again Christian authors, printed by a Christian publisher, until the non-sequitur screed about abortion and contraception on page 39. The Christian slant wasn't overpowering, but it was definitely present. This is not what I signed up for!

I also didn't sign upwardly for a commercial for Foster Cline'southward "Parenting with Love and Logic" products, which were mentioned many, many times in this book. 1 mention would take been okay, but this was overkill.

In that location was a lot of interesting and helpful information in this book, and I'g glad I read it, merely there were also a lot of things I couldn't get behind. Once again, I'm not a parent, and so I'll freely admit that I can't completely understand, merely I winced at statements like "healthy children as well develop a level of fear [of their parents]" (p. 42), and "It is not necessary to be consistent with injure children." (p. 67) I also don't believe that the authors' close ties to Foster Cline, whose therapy techniques are controversial, does them whatsoever favors.

In short: this volume is worth reading, but know what y'all're getting into. If your behavior are more than aligned with those of the authors, yous'll likely enjoy this more I did.

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May 29, 2014 Ebookwormy1 rated it it was astonishing

Afterwards reading Deborah Gray'southward Nurturing Adoptions, Keck & Kopecky come out with a bang! This is a directly-shooting pair who does not mince words in their frustration with psychologists.

Keck & Kopecky as well accept a unique perspective in expressing consistent back up of and respect for the parents that enter into what they know volition exist challenging adoptions. Rather than dwell on their limitations equally necessitating assistance, Keck and Kopecky point out that these parents were functioning well before

Subsequently reading Deborah Gray's Nurturing Adoptions, Keck & Kopecky come up out with a bang! This is a direct-shooting pair who does not mince words in their frustration with psychologists.

Keck & Kopecky too accept a unique perspective in expressing consistent support of and respect for the parents that enter into what they know will be challenging adoptions. Rather than dwell on their limitations as necessitating assistance, Keck and Kopecky point out that these parents were functioning well before they adopted. They seek to encourage and strengthen parents equally the pivotal solar day in twenty-four hour period out support for hurt children.

This book is also extremely applied for parents in the trenches. Short chapters includes idea lists for practical implementation of suggested strategies with disclaimers for parents to observe and utilize the strategies that work for them and their specific children.

I am looking forward to revisiting this volume after our placement for ideas in how to address the specific concerns we encounter. The more I write about this volume, and trudge through long bombastic works by others, the more I value the contribution Keck & Kopecky have fabricated! Highly recommended.

For more than on adoption, I recommend:
The Connected Child, Purvis, 2007
https://world wide web.goodreads.com/review/show...

Adopted for a Purpose, Youd, 1986
https://world wide web.goodreads.com/review/show...

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May 03, 2010 Lisa rated it really liked it

Equally an adoptive parent, I found this volume to be an outstanding and extremely empathetic look at the struggles faced by adoptive parents and their children. The authors did an first-class task providing suggestions for things you can do to assist your child, while also providing lots of suggestions and encouragement for parents. It'southward easy to read and filled with great ideas.

While many similar books focus on how parents can help their children form attachments, heal from past trauma, etc., this book als

As an adoptive parent, I found this book to be an outstanding and extremely empathetic expect at the struggles faced past adoptive parents and their children. The authors did an splendid job providing suggestions for things you lot tin practice to aid your child, while too providing lots of suggestions and encouragement for parents. It'southward easy to read and filled with great ideas.

While many similar books focus on how parents tin assist their children grade attachments, heal from past trauma, etc., this book also conveyed deep levels of empathy for adoptive parents and lots of suggestions for parents who are struggling to connect with their "hurt" children.

I've read many books for adoptive parents, merely this one is truly one of my favorites. I wish I had read it before I adopted my daughter, or in the first few months afterward she joined our family. I think it should be required reading for prospective adoptive families, and I highly recommend it.

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Jun 26, 2011 One thousand thousand rated it it was ok

Although I liked some of what the authors say in this book in terms of spending quality time with children, I can also see how their attitude toward control over the kid leads to a lack of respect for children and a failure to listen to their needs. Not my favorite volume, but I can see coming to it as a last resort for extremely behaviorally challenged kids.

If I were to rate simply the showtime half of the book, I would give probably 4 or v stars. But I was so disappointed with the concluding half of the book that I tin can merely give information technology 2 stars.

The first half of the book (relating to subject, etc.) was actually helpful. But later that, it felt nigh as if the authors said "ok, we don't experience like writing any new material anymore.... Let's just write the bare minimum and then say 'for more than information, you should really read Parenting With Honey And Logic.'" It k

If I were to charge per unit but the showtime half of the volume, I would give probably 4 or five stars. Simply I was so disappointed with the final one-half of the volume that I can only requite information technology 2 stars.

The first one-half of the book (relating to subject, etc.) was really helpful. Simply after that, it felt almost as if the authors said "ok, we don't feel like writing any new fabric anymore.... Let'due south only write the bare minimum and so say 'for more information, you should really read Parenting With Dear And Logic.'" Information technology got to the point where I nearly wished I hadn't started this volume and only read Parenting With Love And Logic instead. The last half of the book consists of responses from adoptees and adoptive parents; some of it was really helpful, but even some of their statements (parents' statements - not the adoptees) seemed similar shameless promotion of the authors - both their books and services equally therapists - and other books out there in the adoption world. I really, really enjoyed the perspectives of the adoptees!

When I truly felt that the authors merely became tired of writing is when the volume abruptly concluded after the chapter of collections of by writings... The last chapter is merely a collection of articles the authors have written in the by. They most seem haphazardly placed in the book, and and so the books just ends immediately afterward that affiliate - no conluding affiliate or anything...

I wish I could bring myself to rate this book college, just I am only too disappointed.

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Of all the books I've read most adoption, this 1 is past far the best. If you are thinking almost adopting a child or have already done then, or if yous work with adoptive families in any style, y'all need to read this book. Of all the books I've read nearly adoption, this ane is by far the all-time. If you are thinking virtually adopting a kid or take already done so, or if you work with adoptive families in whatever manner, you need to read this book. ...more than

Mar 12, 2012 Katie Kenig rated it it was amazing

During our long training sessions in training to consummate a special-needs adoption, social workers recommended this particular book over and over again. I started to wonder what all the fuss was most, so I did a quick search on the library website, and found at that place was only one copy floating effectually. Yikes! I requested it correct away.

It wasn't far into the book before I understood what was going on. Ah, I see. Our course of learning how to parent special needs kids? Yeah, it almost felt lifted

During our long training sessions in training to complete a special-needs adoption, social workers recommended this particular volume over and over again. I started to wonder what all the fuss was about, so I did a quick search on the library website, and found there was just one copy floating around. Yikes! I requested information technology right abroad.

It wasn't far into the volume earlier I understood what was going on. Ah, I see. Our course of learning how to parent special needs kids? Yeah, it almost felt lifted from this book :)

That's non a criticism of either the book or the class, information technology just notes that everything that the social workers thought nosotros needed to learn almost parenting kids with bug was covered in this book, only to a far more than in-depth degree than could possibly be covered in a class full of people request questions.

This book is written more for parents who are already parenting these children and facing problems from the abuse, fail, and other circumstances the kids accept endured in the past, and so is clogged of helpful suggestions for activities and conversations, ways to work around traditional parenting advice that tin can be atrocious for these kids, and ways to wrap your head around techniques that may seem counterintuitive to even the most willing parent. At that place are pages and pages I needed to xerox so I could be sure to accept them on paw in the future, and boosted pages and pages in the back of further resource that I would have copied... but discovered they were already a office of our big parenting handbook from the province.

If y'all are dealing with common issues such as attachment bug, lying, or control issues which ingather up in many adopted kids, in that location are lots of coping strategies and advice to go along you from pulling your hair out. The book also touches on some of the more than farthermost cases, and gives great, real-world accounts written by both parents and kids who take been in that location of the real life techniques they used to brand it through the hard times.

If you are notwithstanding preparing to bring your kids habitation, equally nosotros are, this book is a mode to get a great leg-upward on knowing more details of things you lot tin expect, so that you are already prepared when the stormclouds accident in. Kind of similar stocking up your storm shelter for tornado season, but putting those supplies in your emotional bank instead.

I recommend this volume highly to adoptive and prospective adoptive parents. The writing is approachable and not every bit academic and offputting as many books on this subject matter tin be. It'south a slap-up conversational read, and while it isn't a light book past any means, it also isn't one y'all'll struggle to discover your way through.

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Oct 22, 2013 Sarah Hyatt rated information technology did not similar it

Really disappointed with this one. So much of the book seemed like filler (capacity made entirely of stories from parents and children, while interesting, would be improve woven into the book at meaningful times, rather than just a hodgepodge of other peoples' narratives), and the rest of it seemed like a huge ad for reading "Parenting with Love and Logic." Which I am probably not going to do, considering this was the volume I checked out of the library, not that i, and I would appreciate if it actua Actually disappointed with this one. So much of the book seemed like filler (capacity made entirely of stories from parents and children, while interesting, would be meliorate woven into the book at meaningful times, rather than simply a hodgepodge of other peoples' narratives), and the rest of it seemed similar a huge ad for reading "Parenting with Beloved and Logic." Which I am probably not going to practise, considering this was the book I checked out of the library, not that one, and I would capeesh if it actually had content across "Go and read this other book that nosotros wrote."

I also was unaware that this was a Christian publisher before I checked out the book. Before someone gets offended by that, permit me clarify that I am a Christian and wasn't exactly SURPRISED since I had seen the book recommended on the blogs of other Christians. The publisher made me wary just because I have my own prepare of issues with Christian publishers and I know how disappointing their books can exist. The high praise I read nearly this book made me promise that my fears were unfounded. Unfortunately, that didn't completely seem to be the case.

There are some deep underlying behavior here that I remember differ from mine quite a bit and led to the writer's viewpoint not sitting right with me in a few places. In particular, there were occasionally glimpses of an extremely negative viewpoint towards any "outside" parenting advice and an overemphasis on control of the parents. It skirted the line of judgmental oftentimes, and at times at that place were very explicit efforts made for the authors to analyze: I am not saying this. I can appreciate clarification but information technology seems like information technology would take been easier for the authors to non run the hazard of beingness misinterpreted past being more articulate originally. Misinterpretation is never completely avoidable, but more attempt could accept been fabricated hither.

I began skimming the book after a few overbearing comments about control and a completely useless and irrelevant paragraph nearly abortion - it was way out of left field, and I'm pro life myself. Information technology had zippo to practise with the chapter and was completely inappropriate and distracting. At that point, I wondered if the author was trying too difficult to convey his own politics and beliefs under the veil of parenting advice.

The lists of things to do with children are helpful, and include a lot of unproblematic and fun ideas. I may scan those for time to come reference, since they were the primary do good of this book.

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Oct 22, 2015 Susan rated it information technology was amazing

I do non have a lot of time to read these days just I devoured this book. From the introduction I was hooked - this guy GETS IT! Finally someone who understands what we've been going through and has some real help to offer across skillful, solid but basic parenting tips. Considering sometimes no matter how much you honey or how consistent you lot are that'south simply non plenty. Trauma of all kinds causes neurological changes, hurt that cannot be seen except for how it manifests in behavior, often difficult behavi I do not take a lot of time to read these days just I devoured this volume. From the introduction I was hooked - this guy GETS It! Finally someone who understands what nosotros've been going through and has some real assist to offer across good, solid but bones parenting tips. Because sometimes no thing how much you love or how consistent you lot are that'south just not enough. Trauma of all kinds causes neurological changes, hurt that cannot be seen except for how it manifests in behavior, often difficult behavior. Xxx pages in I texted a friend who has struggled with ii adopted daughters for nearly a decade to make sure she was reading information technology as well. We were ready to do a Thelma and Louise to Ohio to tempest Dr. Keck'southward office and essentially worship at his anxiety ... only to discover he has passed away. This is by far the virtually helpful volume I've read pertaining to adoption and fostering kids from hard places. I read it myself and large portions of information technology aloud to my married man, my copy is two weeks erstwhile and its marked upwards and tattered. I bought a copy for our counselor and another for a co-worker who is fostering two lilliputian boys. It's that good. ...more

January 24, 2013 Judy rated information technology actually liked information technology

If giving 1/2 stars was possible, this would receive 3 1/ii stars instead of 4. The offset part of the book was excellent, providing much insight to behavior, feelings, emotions, thoughts of the injure child. It certainly opened my optics. However, it would have been helpful to have more practical advice on how to deal with the child, rather than as many examples and stories. As a grandmother of a "hurt" child, I learned some useful techniques, but wish there had been more. If giving 1/ii stars was possible, this would receive 3 i/2 stars instead of 4. The first part of the volume was first-class, providing much insight to beliefs, feelings, emotions, thoughts of the hurt child. Information technology certainly opened my eyes. However, it would accept been helpful to accept more applied advice on how to deal with the kid, rather than equally many examples and stories. As a grandmother of a "injure" child, I learned some useful techniques, but wish there had been more. ...more

Feb 11, 2020 Kelly rated it liked it

While most of this book was on point, the authors sprinkled in a few curveballs throughout the book that honestly seem to be more based on their personal judgments vs. being relevant to all adoptive families. In that location's likewise some inconsistencies. For case: towards the offset of the book,
the authors condemn parents who "throw" their adopted children in daycare, basically saying "why carp to adopt if you're only going to take someone else heighten them?" Nonetheless, a after chapter is devoted almos While most of this book was on point, the authors sprinkled in a few curveballs throughout the book that honestly seem to be more than based on their personal judgments vs. being relevant to all adoptive families. At that place's also some inconsistencies. For example: towards the beginning of the book,
the authors condemn parents who "throw" their adopted children in daycare, basically saying "why bother to adopt if you're just going to have someone else raise them?" Yet, a later chapter is devoted almost entirely to the subject of public school, with one brusk paragraph on homeschooling. The authors besides shame parents who utilize respite intendance. Parents of typically developing, biological children go on date nights ( and that's considered a pretty typical thing to do)-but this is not okay for parents who alive in the trenches? :/ Who ( let's face it) need to try harder than ever to hold onto a healthy union? :/ :/ Hmm...

If you're just starting out, I would skip this ane and read some more well- rounded, less biased books on adoptive parenting first. This book is (mostly) okay if you take it with a big grain of table salt, and already are grounded in some knowledge of adoptive parenting.

Also a heads up that this volume is Christian based, which may not feel comfortable to some readers.

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An important reas for anyone adopting or planning on adopting and bringing a child from a difficult palce into their family. It talks not only about working together as a family, it gives insight into the process of many forms of adoption, while notwithstanding focusing on the family needs as a whole and how important pacing yourself is when becoming a bigger family unit.

Jul 21, 2019 Mike Maus rated it really liked it

Excellent data, only I feel like last 2 chapters could have been cut from the volume.

Jul 23, 2019 Whitney rated information technology liked it

The first half had lots of good information. I am mystified as to why they kept padding onto the end with random material.

May 21, 2021 Sarah _ A rated information technology really liked it

If you're an adoptive parent this is a good read. Puts your worries into prospective and gives y'all a little more insight from a professionals point of view.

Mar 17, 2012 Kristin rated it really liked it

i. Who is the Hurt Child - agreement the attachment cycle
- choosing the right kind of therapy
2. Dare to Parent
- the fears of injure children (vulnerability & perceived weakness), parent-centered families
3. What Doesn't Work
- rewards, punishments, withholding love, fourth dimension outs, grounding, deprivation, anger, equality
four. What Works
- avert control battles, INconsistency, SPECIFIC praise, flexibility (make his beliefs what you want), helping kids differentiate between degrees of good & bad, tough pa 1. Who is the Hurt Child - understanding the attachment bike
- choosing the right kind of therapy
2. Dare to Parent
- the fears of hurt children (vulnerability & perceived weakness), parent-centered families
3. What Doesn't Work
- rewards, punishments, withholding love, time outs, grounding, impecuniousness, acrimony, equality
4. What Works
- avoid control battles, INconsistency, SPECIFIC praise, flexibility (make his behavior what you want), helping kids differentiate between degrees of good & bad, tough paybacks, singing, reasonable expectations, win-win, nurturing and fun
v. Nurturing the Hurt Child: LISTS OF ACTIVITIES!
- eye contact, bear upon, movement, food, communication, containment, fun
6. The School Dance - when to lead & when to follow
seven. Surviving When It Feels Like Aught Works
- behaviors that are resistant to change, reparenting (getting unstuck)
eight. Life Preservers
- financial issues, therapy (speech, occupational, marriage), homeland tours
9. Connecting with the Right Therapist
10. Q&A
xi. Stories from Those Who've Been There
12. Reprinted Articles
- affirming the reality of the hurt adoptee (openness, truth, full disclosure), RAD
xiii. Resource list
xiv. Related readings ...more

Apr 24, 2009 Tim rated it it was amazing

In my work equally a psychologist for the St. Louis Family court I run across a lot of youths with Reactive Attachment Disorder, from abuse and neglect of a diverseness of types in their formative years. As a result thse children are very damaged in their ability to class and sustain adaptive relationships, and the task of the adoptive family is to, as best they can, reconstruct (or construct for the offset time) more growth-oriented relationship. A daunting task with a very hard population of "hurt" In my work as a psychologist for the St. Louis Family court I run across a lot of youths with Reactive Zipper Disorder, from abuse and neglect of a variety of types in their formative years. As a outcome thse children are very damaged in their ability to form and sustain adaptive relationships, and the chore of the adoptive family is to, as best they can, reconstruct (or construct for the first fourth dimension) more growth-oriented relationship. A daunting task with a very difficult population of "injure" children. I take always had keen admiration for adopting parents in general, and those who prefer children with special needs of Whatsoever kind get a special halo, and those who adopt these emotionally damaged kids get a WOWSERS! from me! This volume is a follow-upto Adopting the JHurt Child" past the same authors and is intended to exist a sort of tuidebook and a massive source of resources and techniques for such parents. Even if you're never going to adopt a kid, please know that these children with very challenging needs are out in that location and there are many of them, and they deserve the best treatment and raising they can get! ...more

I HIGHLY recommend this book for parents who have adopted. It is the sequel to "Adopting the Hurt Child" and is extremely informative. Raising adopted children tin be difficult. Techniques that one might employ for children who accept not been adopted may not work. It is important to properly understand how to bargain with challenges of "injure children." Keck writes about reactive zipper disorder and its effects. He not only provides the reader with an agreement of these children's backgrounds, b I HIGHLY recommend this volume for parents who have adopted. Information technology is the sequel to "Adopting the Hurt Child" and is extremely informative. Raising adopted children can be difficult. Techniques that one might utilize for children who have not been adopted may not work. It is important to properly empathize how to bargain with challenges of "hurt children." Keck writes about reactive attachment disorder and its effects. He not merely provides the reader with an understanding of these children's backgrounds, merely he shows and gives families the techniques to provide the all-time optimal learning environment. This would also exist useful for teachers who are looking to strengthen their skills in rearing students who may exist dealing with these backgrounds. ...more

This is one of those Yes! Yes! Yes! books. I wish anybody who has adopted or loves a family who has adopted would read this book. I'm simply a few chapters in, but it is resounding solidly with me.

Just finished this book. The ending of this book is perfect, and I think you tin can tell a lot about a volume by how it begins and ends. For those who have been personally involved in adoption, either by being the nascency parent, adoptee, or adoptive parent - this book is FOR y'all. And for anybody else, you lot wi

This is one of those Yes! Yes! Aye! books. I wish everyone who has adopted or loves a family who has adopted would read this book. I'm only a few chapters in, simply it is resounding solidly with me.

Only finished this book. The ending of this book is perfect, and I think you can tell a lot about a volume by how it begins and ends. For those who have been personally involved in adoption, either by existence the birth parent, adoptee, or adoptive parent - this volume is FOR you lot. And for everyone else, yous volition at some bespeak know, be impacted by, and feasibly intendance near any of these in the adoption triad. Reading this book will help you to better understand and know how to back up the states. Thank you.

...more

A valuable resource for adoptive parents. I am so glad I read this volume. Its tone is realistic merely not depressing, and so I believe parents would feel empowered past the data, not discouraged by it. The significant trauma some children may have faced in their pasts and the ways that trauma manifests itself in their new adoptive families is addressed. Specific strategies, suggestions, and stories of existent families are included. A volume to revisit throughout the parenting journey.
The book often cro A valuable resource for adoptive parents. I am so glad I read this volume. Its tone is realistic but not depressing, and then I believe parents would feel empowered by the information, not discouraged by it. The pregnant trauma some children may have faced in their pasts and the ways that trauma manifests itself in their new adoptive families is addressed. Specific strategies, suggestions, and stories of existent families are included. A volume to revisit throughout the parenting journey.
The book ofttimes cross-references the book Parenting with Dearest and Logic, and suggests this method as a constructive approach for hurt children. ...more

Dec 18, 2014 Rachel rated information technology really liked it

"Abused children acquire to rely on control as a means to survive, and it is, indeed, an effective technique. Yet, one time a child leaves the calumniating surround, the behavior is no longer necessary or appropriate. In fact, he must learn to carelessness his control issues if he is to survive in his new environs. The very things that kept him alive in the pat will ultimately upshot in a very difficult life - possibly fifty-fifty decease. He must reverse his thinking if he is to truly survive and become a prod "Driveling children learn to rely on control equally a ways to survive, and it is, indeed, an effective technique. Still, in one case a child leaves the abusive environment, the behavior is no longer necessary or advisable. In fact, he must learn to abandon his control problems if he is to survive in his new environment. The very things that kept him alive in the pat volition ultimately result in a very difficult life - perhaps even decease. He must contrary his thinking if he is to truly survive and become a productive member of society. Helping him reach this shift in perspective becomes the parents' job." ...more than

Sep 23, 2008 Shannan rated information technology it was amazing

Awesome parenting tips for my family and lots for anyone's family. They give pages of existent and like shooting fish in a barrel ideas on how to increase dearest and trust between y'all and your children and between siblings. In that location are fun ideas like becoming sticker sisters (y'all both wear a matching sticker all day but it's your fiddling underground) or hiding chocolate kisses around the house for when they come home from school but before they tin can eat them they have to hug and kiss y'all OR each other for each one they want to eat.

Lots

Awesome parenting tips for my family unit and lots for anyone's family. They give pages of real and piece of cake ideas on how to increase love and trust betwixt you and your children and between siblings. There are fun ideas similar condign sticker sisters (you lot both wear a matching sticker all twenty-four hour period simply it's your little cloak-and-dagger) or hiding chocolate kisses effectually the house for when they come domicile from school but before they can eat them they have to hug and kiss you OR each other for each one they want to eat.

Lots of absurd stuff. I am totally asking Santa for this book so I tin own information technology and mark information technology up.

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Jan 06, 2009 Blondie rated it it was amazing

I was directed to this book by our counselor and was so thankful to have read information technology.
It really spoke to the problems nosotros take been going through with our daughter, who is adopted from China.
This is a great read to examine your approaches and responses, and help requite an understanding into your kid'southward complex and securely ingrained fears and struggles.

Highly recommend this to the adoptive parent working on bonding or attachment concerns.

I was directed to this volume by our counselor and was and then thankful to have read it.
It really spoke to the issues we accept been going through with our girl, who is adopted from China.
This is a smashing read to examine your approaches and responses, and help requite an understanding into your child'southward complex and deeply ingrained fears and struggles.

Highly recommend this to the adoptive parent working on bonding or zipper concerns.

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Dec 29, 2012 Audra rated it liked it

I idea this book had some gems, with some sections that were really slap-up in teaching empathy and understanding of the unique issues that children who may have traumatic histories are experiencing. But other parts were more frustrating, and the volume equally a whole was not that intriguing. Very much a parenting volume in some ways. Then far, I have learned more than from reading memoirs which connect to me on a deeper level, but this may work for some parents.

Definitely the best book I've read on what happens afterward adoption. The book tackles how to foster attachment and addresses various issues that adopted children can face. Information technology offers practical advice and suggestions on what to exercise if the parent and child demand more help than a book can provide. I truly hope I won't need this volume when my daughter comes home but we may face some of these issues. If so, I take a skilful resource to turn to. Definitely the best book I've read on what happens subsequently adoption. The book tackles how to foster attachment and addresses various bug that adopted children can face. Information technology offers practical advice and suggestions on what to practice if the parent and child need more help than a book tin provide. I truly hope I won't need this volume when my daughter comes home but we may face some of these issues. If so, I have a practiced resource to plough to. ...more

This book was actually depressing at the start. I wasn't sure I wanted to read the whole thing, but I am glad I kept with it. Keck & Kupecki offer solid communication that feel matches the personalities of my hubby and me. While this book presents worst example scenarios, information technology also left me feeling hopeful near dealing with any potential issues my future adopted child would have. This book was really depressing at the beginning. I wasn't sure I wanted to read the whole thing, but I am glad I kept with it. Keck & Kupecki offer solid communication that feel matches the personalities of my hubby and me. While this book presents worst case scenarios, information technology too left me feeling hopeful about dealing with whatever potential issues my future adopted child would have. ...more

Although this volume is specifically written for parents adopting children older than infancy, I consider it a must read for any parent that has a defiant kid. Information technology helps parents get inside the kid's head and get creative about ways of connecting with their child and maintaining a human relationship with them, despite how negative their behavior may be. Although this book is specifically written for parents adopting children older than infancy, I consider it a must read for any parent that has a defiant kid. It helps parents become inside the kid'due south head and get creative virtually ways of connecting with their child and maintaining a relationship with them, despite how negative their beliefs may be. ...more

I actually wish I had known about this book when we first began our journey of foster care and adoption 2 years ago. This book has helped me immensely, peculiarly chapter 5: Cinnamon on Applesauce, Nurturing the Hurt Child. What a great read and ane I will frequently refer back to.

http://dragonflowersandbooks.blogspot...

I really wish I had known about this book when we kickoff began our journey of foster care and adoption two years agone. This volume has helped me immensely, specially affiliate 5: Cinnamon on Absurdity, Nurturing the Hurt Child. What a keen read and one I volition often refer dorsum to.

http://dragonflowersandbooks.blogspot...

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